Here it is. A little after midnight and I'm thinking of you. How you are. Where you are. What you're doing. And even though it's bad of me sometimes, I wonder if you even exist beyond this world. Or if you're just nothing but a memory.

I hope not.

I hope that you have another life you are fulfilling somewhere in the universe.

October 13th.

I find myself remembering things about you that I wouldn't normally think of. It makes me smile. I remember the one time mom went out on a 'girls night' for the first time since my little brother was born. We had a little party in the backyard because Auntie was camping in a tent back there for the summer. Cousins were crowding the yard as we took turns in the little red wagon. My turn came and I was being pulled around the swing set when Joey turned the corner too sharp and I was knocked backwards of the wagon, and my head hit a sharp rock.

You rushed me too the hospital where I needed stitches and you felt so bad. But it was okay, Dad. You felt like you did us wrong because an accident happened while mom wasn't around. Believe it or not, you made me feel strong that day. You told me to be a big girl because I was strong. I still remember my arms wrapped around your neck and the smell of your aftershave. I was safe in your arms.

Takes me back to when I was 13 and going for my open heart surgery. One of the first times I've ever seen you cry openly. You held me and told me to be strong. I told you that if I passed on, I'd catch you a million fish. We laughed, but you cried and walked away. After that day, you would stay your distance. You wouldn't come close to me during any pre-ops. But it's okay, Dad. I understand why you kept your distance. You were afraid of losing me. Afraid of getting close.

I don't know why we weren't any closer. I just know that I am thankful for the time I did have with you. The things you taught me. The things you showed me. The good times you gave us.

It's your birthday today. We can't be there to celebrate with you, but we'll have a beer for you down here. We'll share fond memories of you. We'll smile as we remember your voice. Your touch. The way you would laugh.

Happy Birthday, Dad. You'll never be forgotten.

I love you.

oxox

Okay, so I was excited when I got an email stating the new Evanescence video. So I YouTube'd it and here it is!

I just adore that woman, her playing skills and voice.



I've noticed in most of her videos either there's fire or she wet...

*smirks*

Either way, it doesn't bother me one bit. ;)

Enjoy!

So it's a little past midnight here and I should be getting to bed. No, I don't work tomorrow, but we've got a shitload to do before leaving for the States on Friday. I'm tired but only because it was a good day I had!

Crystal, Amanda and I went to Canadian Tire earlier and had spare keys made up of our places. So now, Amanda and I have a spare key to her house and Crystal has spare keys to our apartment! She's going to be taking care of our girls (we have a new addition to our family, her name is Raven, and she's a Panda Bear Hampster!) She Auntie Crystal will be taking care of them and we just decided that we'll give each other keys for keeps. Can never be to careful! That way if we lock ourselves out, Crystal will have keys to rescue us! LMAO!

After lunch and dropping Amanda back off at work, Crystal and I went to the cemetary. We paid our respects to our grandparents that have passed on and even though he isn't buried in there, I paid respects to my dad. I miss him so much. :( But we had a quiet time walking through the whole thing. It was peaceful. Sad. But peaceful.

Then we went through Tim Horton's drvethru and got us drink before heading to Anicinabe Park to dip our feet in the water. It was hot today and I was so, so, so fucking tempted to jump off that dock in my jeans and gray wifebeater. *sigh* But I waited until afterwards when Amanda would be with us! hehe It's safe to say we got a little tan. :D

We went back to Crystal's, played with her little dog, Paco for a bit. He's a cutie! Then we went to pick up Amanda from work, got into our bathing suits and off we went swimming! Finally!! After two weeks of cool weather, we get a hot day and wowsers! It was a good one! :D Crystal and I swam for a good hour! We had many laughs and fun!

Then we went to WallyWorld, bought a few more things we'd need for our trip and back here. Amanda cooked us a fanfuckingtastic dinner. m mm m m mmmmmmmmmm YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING!!

And we had a L!NK Meeting. (Wanna join the online club? link_lace ) We discussed our current stories and what we're doing for a our next meeting. We're planning an MS Cruise trip or a Camping trip.

But for now, I'm heading to bed because I am wiped out.

Woot. We're leaving Friday!! I'm going to visit the in-laws! hehe!

Rock on folks!



Peace oxox

It's been a while! I know this, but who ever reads this anyway? Kinda a safe little journal where I can post everything I'm feeling and so on. :) Without the worry of someone reading it :P

So this summer weather has been pretty crappy. Don't get me wrong, I don't want it blistering hot all the time (like last summer) but it's July already!! And it's been cold and rainy. Seriously, with this weather we should just move to Vancouver! I miss the "I need to jump in the lake now" feeling. I've only been swimming twice this summer. I LOVE swimming. :D

Amanda, Crystal and I went swimming a few weekends ago. We had so much fun!! Then we went on a boat ride with Amber, Rose and Crys that evening. Tried to swim at this beach we stopped at, but too many weeds and crayfish lol. Oh! That was also the same weekend that Amber, Crys, Amanda and I went out for dinner then to the bars. OMG! There was this chick there - at the bar - she had long brown hair and intense blue eyes. Amanda and I kept looking over at her direction (we were a little buzzed) and then Amanda nodded her over. She came over and started talking, stayed at our table for a while! We drank some more and then my wife started flirting more! Okay, I can't say much, so did I. I mean, I'm a natural flirt anyway, even when I don't know I am doing it, but when I'm drinking, I'm way more smoother and obvious ;) So this girl took the hint and she started flirting back. Soon, we were talking about having a threesome! LMAO I CANNOT believe we did that, but hey it was fun. OI!! NONO! We didn't ACTUALLY have a threesome :P (pervs) we kinda left her while she went to the washroom. Mean I guess, but hey, lol, it was fun. Plus she wasn't even from around here! She was hot though. Given if I was single and didn't know Amanda from a hole in the ground . . . :P

Anyway, kinda went WAY off topic there! So yea, swimming, Crystal and I went swimming Tuesday night. It wasn't hot and the water was cooler than the first time we went, but hell, it was still nice enough to swim so I swam!!

So we're heading home (to the States) here in about two weeks. Just for a week to visit the family! I can't wait. I know they love me! :D Papaw, Lee, the family! Mommy Sherri is so cool and Meme! I miss her :( I know, not as much as Amanda does, but still. Mom & Lee have a pool in their backyard and it's been hotter there! We can actually swim *grumbles* damn Canadian weather *sighs*. We're going to hit all Amanda's fave restaurants that we don't have here. China Wok, Long John Silvers, Taco Bell, Sonic and I vote for Cozy Cove! (Yea, we have a Taco Bell in Canada, but not where we live). Taking Meme to bingo . . . twice or more. Just basically hanging out!! But we are not going to get as wasted as I was, the last time. That was brutal. 18 Double shot of Tequila Rose. Two coolers and some of Amanda's screwdriver. Yea, so was feeling it the next day! LMAO. It's safe to say that that has been the drunkest I've ever been. :P And it had to be in from of the in-laws. :|

Well, I think I'm gonna go for a bit. Write some more. I've been kicking ass at my writing again!!! I'm proud of myself. I just learned (yes, just learned) that I need to take a break - or else I'll have severe case of writers block if I try to hard - so yesterday, I took a break from it.

So later!!

Peace oxox

( Survey Says... )

So I celebrated my 24th birthday with my friends and family, Saturday. I have got to say that I had a really really good time - despite the fact that I had to work my Saturday shift.

Amanda had sent me roses to my work. BEAUTIFUL!! and they smelled really pretty. I love them! After work, we had a lunch with Ashley. Mmmm

We were supposed to dress up to go to dinner and I thought "It's me, this is how I dress" so I wore all black. It was lovely! :D We went to Casey's where my family came too, including Nan!! I had an awesome cappelletti. MMMM. Amanda threw me that party and was in charge of inviting everyone. She had an awesome guest list. A-List! lol :D

After, Amanda got me cake from DQ because that was the one thing I wanted from her on my birthday. A DQ ice cream cake . . . woot! We ate a slice of the cake!

Crystal was gonna have a drink with me after Ash and Ter left - but then we got high. She was gonna help Amanda with something special for me - but then we got high. LOL
We had a blast playing Mario Party 8, watching South Park and well, getting high.

All in all, it was a blast.

Sunday - Crystal, Amanda and I went to a Powwow out at Powwow Island. That was fucking awesome. It was the best Birthday weekend ever!!

:D

I'll probably write more later!!

I've been wanting to update my journal regularly for awhile now. It just seems I don't have time too!

Ashley has been away for school the past 7-8months and it was a hard winter. It's really sad when you feel yourself fall apart from someone that has known almost every secret about you. It's sad what a little bit of distance does to you, right? Well, she's back for the summer and we're hoping to patch things up. I just wanted to take this time to apologize if I, in anyway, made you feel like an outsider. I know that it wasn't handled as well as it should've been and things should've been talked through instead of ignored and pushed aside. I'm sorry. :(

So Summer '07 will be a blast with my wife and two best friends! :D

Now, secondly, my job has been sucking major ass. So much so that I wanted to just scream and quit. However, lately, although I'd much rather stay at home and do the housewife stuff, I want to just stay where I am at with my part time hours and also a little time at home to clean and do laundry. Plus spend time with Amanda, my friends, cats or just relax. Sometimes on my days off, I do my everyday chores then write or watch a movie. TV? I haven't watched daytime TV in forever. The only shows I miss are my court shows. LMAO. I was a huge fan of Peoples Court and Judge Brown.

I just found out last night, (no one in my family tells me things) that my Auntie Gerry (my God Mother) was rushed down to Hamilton. I really hope she's okay. I know that ever since things happened when I was a teenager, that side of the family hasn't been close to us anymore, it doesn't mean that I care about them any less. Auntie Gerry was the one woman that we ran too when we were younger when things got really bad at my house. She'd take us under her wing and amek us feel safe. She was the only woman who let us sit around the campfire with the grown-ups and roast marshmellows. lol

And my Nan hasn't been feeling too well either. But I did see her Saturday, she was my old Nanny only a little weaker. I have to make it a point to go and visit her more! :D Maybe I can get her off the couch to play Dice or Kings Corner! :D

Well, I'm off. I should really find something productive to do here at work. :|

I love you, Amanda!

Peace! oxox

( Me under the Cut )

An update on my day.

. . .

The End.